How is it that I’m able to live this way? How is it that I’m able to love this way? I love because you loved me first. “On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.” I remember the many ways you taught me love. I owe it all to you, who I am, who I’m growing to be…I owe it all to you. I remember you.
I remember when I was wayward, doing the things my nature wanted. I failed again and again at doing what I knew to do; at doing what I knew was right by you (sometimes willingly). Yet you showed me love. Like a proud parent watching their child take its first steps, you patiently allowed me to stumble along in my growth. Lovingly watching as those steps turned into a confident stride…I owe it all to you.
I remember when I was arrogant and prideful, puffed up with understanding I thought was gained by my own effort. Pride erased you from my thoughts, celebrating only myself. But you told me about my haughtiness, spinning the images in my mind like a short film until I realized my shame. I was humbled…I owe it all to you.
I remember when I was ignorant, relying on my own so-called “knowledge” to get by. I was unaware of the truth, unaware of proper wisdom. But you allowed for frustration to mount in my thoughts and confusion in my heart. And in your love, you gently showed me the correct way. I know better now…I owe it all to you.
I remember when I was so selfish, caring only about my life and my needs. Concerned only with my well-being and happiness. I now recognize my shortsightedness. Because of your love I too share in the pain of others. There’s work to be done, starting first with my own heart. I’m amazed at how far I’ve come…I owe it all to you.
Mostly, I remember that you always seemed more concerned about me than you were about yourself. You loved me genuinely with no fear. Through all of my shortcomings you still loved me. I do admit that I’m still learning how to become more like this, but your love has transformed and inspired me. How different my life is because of your love, how different my actions. Because of you, I’m more confident in my own love. Who I am, who I’m growing to be…I owe it all to you. I remember you.